A range of experts I consulted expressed concern that tying chires very closely to chores, whatever its apparent short-term effectiveness, can send kids unintentionally counterproductive messages about family, community, and personal responsibility. They may be incompetent little things, but they can learn quickly by watching. Clarify if there are misunderstandings.
After your partner speaks, let your partner know that you heard what was said and understand. But they do get spending money from their mother as needed, as well as regular conversations about the work it takes to run a house.
This is not about being right or winning an argument. If you want to make sure that your partner understood what you said, you can ask your partner what they heard.
David Lancy, a former professor of anthropology at Utah State University, has studied how families around the world handle chores, and he has observed a development of responsibilities in less well-off nwed that looks little like the American way. Heather Beth Johnson, a sociologist at Lehigh University who studies families and wealth inequality, aligns more with the Lieber school of chore compensation or lack thereof.
Display dond chart somewhere [you] can both see it and check off the chores as they get done.
He advises that allowance be used as a means of showing children how to save, give, and spend on things they care about. Suniya Luthar, a psychologist at Arizona State University who studies families, is skeptical of the idea of paying kids on a per-chore basis.
Lieber does for this in his book, suggesting that parents who object to his methods might consider paying kids only for chores that solve problems they themselves identify in the household, or for periodic one-off tasks like washing a car or painting a room. Sounds like his feelings, much like mine, were pretty ificant underneath this ostensibly mundane squabble. He says he felt attacked, defensive and misunderstood.
Johnson considers the chores-for-allowance agreement to be of a piece with a broader custom in upper-middle-class households of paying children for things like doing well in school or taking care of siblings.